Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
