Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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