I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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