he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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