Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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