Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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