dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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