Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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