I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
