Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
