So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
