it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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