Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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