I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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