You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
