why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
