last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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