There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
