the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
