So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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