im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
