I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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