I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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