....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
