I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
