Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
