he looks like a really good dad on facebook
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
