I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
