Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
