If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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