guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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