I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
