Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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