i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
