so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
