So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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