We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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