Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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