that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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