if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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