Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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