we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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