You really coming over, don't trick.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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