I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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