Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and she was petting her beer can
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
