i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
