last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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