we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
