Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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