"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize