He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
