new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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