i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
