Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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