That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
