i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
